The Bald Conspiracy
Squiffy 12 November 2013 15:15:21
The Bald Conspiracy
In a TV studio at an undisclosed location a heavily pixelated conspiracy researcher who we will call Arthur Redacted is facing a rather hairy de-bunker Dr. Archibald Skeptik. Arthur is there to promote his new book "Koncpirasist - J'accuse" the de-bunker has been brought in to provide some journalistic balance and in the hope that a physical confrontation will go viral and promote the TV station. The interview is being conducted by Armand Disinterest a VJ and amateur hair stylist
Armand Disinterest: Arthur or may I call you Art? Art you have a new book out in which you expose a major conspiracy being perpetrated by bald people to suppress the rigorous scientific work being done by conspiracy researchers such as yourself. Is that substantially correct?
Arthur Redacted: That is essentially correct Armand, or may I call you Arm? My research that is devoted to exposing the huge number of conspiracies that are being perpetrated on the public on a daily basis. I have discovered a disturbing underlying theme running through the so called "de-bunkers", people that seek to discredit our meticulous work in order to perpetuate and indeed extend the reach of the very conspiracies that myself and other selfless workers in this field are seeking to expose.
Take the now universally accepted fact NASA faked the moon landings in the 1970s, despite an overwhelming body of scientific and anecdotal evidence that clearly demonstrates that the conspiracy existed and did in fact achieve it's aims we are still the subject of vitriolic attacks by these de-bunking lizards. I show in my book that these attacks are orchestrated by so-called bald people who claim to be sceptical thinkers. The number and organisation of these attacks show that there exists a deep conspiracy by these bald people to undermine our continuing efforts to inform and educate the public.
In the case of the faked moon landings a normal person only has to look at the famous "fluttering flag" images that show the flag clearly fluttering in the wind caused by a door being opened on the set where the filming was taking place, this is clearly not possible on the moon where there is no atmosphere to support a breath of wind. Yet the Internet is littered with bald de-bunkers who just deny our rigorous analysis.
Dr. Archibald Skeptik: If I could just make a point here. The lack of an atmosphere on the moon coupled with the low gravity provides so little damping of movement of the flag that the initial torsional and lateral motions induced in the flag would cause it to flutter in exactly the modes shown in the NASA videos.
Arthur Redacted: Exactly, thank you Dr. Baldie for so clearly supporting the conjecture that it was faked. The reasons that you put forward are exactly why NASA chose to use the opening door method to produce the faked fluttering in the flag, because it so closely mimicked what would be seen on a body with low gravity and no atmosphere. I think that is game, set and match.
Dr. Archibald Skeptik: But.........But.........Arrrrgggggghhhhhhh! (sound of the good doctor tearing out his own hair!)
Arthur Redacted: And I think that we also have here on this show conclusive proof of the existence of the "Bald Conspiracy".
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